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First Division Survival Kit
A guide to everything you'll need to survive the season( hopefully only one! ) in the 1st division
1.A detailed map: to find places of such beauty and glamour as St. Mels Park and Gortakeegan.
2.A picture of Mike Flanagan: to remember that no matter how bad things get they could still be worse.
3.A copy of the premier division table: to keep your sense of humour intact by seeing how Kilkenny progress.
4.A strong pair of binoculars: To keep track of the ball as it is hoofed miles up into the sky by the technically gifted players of the 1st division.
5.Another pair of binoculars: to keep an eye on our skillful players as they are booted 20 feet in the air by some big hairy rugby player of a defender.(Brendan Rea not included)
6.A newspaper less than a week old: to keep in touch with the reality which can be a bit difficult in places such as Cobh and Drogheda.
7.A good sense of humour: to be able to laugh at some of the refereeing decisions because without this you may miss the rest of the season through serving time for assault at best or murder at worst(or best??).
8.Body Armour: for visits to places like Athlone and Drogheda where the sight of an outsider may cause some disturbance to the locals.This will also come in useful when visiting Limerick,the locals are very friendly as long as you have no objections to a knife or two!
9.A good lawyer: judging by the way previous seasons have finished this may be necessary especialy where Dundalk or Kilkenny are involved.
10.A gun: see No.7 again
11.A recording of a crowd cheering: to play at away matches where the crowd is small (ie. all of them),to give the feeling of a packed house,it's as close as we'll get this season!
12.A good coat: well,covered accomadation a bit of a luxury in the 1st division.
13.A supply of alcohol and a cyanide tablet: just in case it all becomes too much!